By Anne van Meij

How do you combine writing with a family?

As a stay-at-home mom, someone who therefore sits at home entertaining the kids all the time, you have oceans of time you can spend on your hobbies and other loves. Housework is done in no time, and in their first year, those little ones sleep most of the day anyway, then preschool comes into view, and after three or four blinks of an eye, they are off to elementary school. The whole house is full of the most beautiful toys that will keep them busy for hours, and otherwise there is always an educational movie to be found on one of the many screens in a modern household.

In short: being a mom is the ideal situation to exploit the profession of writing.

By the way, I missed that train somewhere because after I gave birth, the structure that is so finely described in all those mommy-to-be brochures was totally absent here. But that aside. And for those of you who have experienced the lockdown in the happy combination of working from home and kids, you probably now know from experience that working from home + kids is the recipe for a hefty batch of stomping, crying, and lying on the floor screaming.

Whether in that order or not. Believe me, it's quite normal, and as long as you don't do it in the supermarket or any other public place like toddlers and preschoolers, no one looks up.

Back to the topic this blog is about: how to combine writing and family. I can be very brief about that: Let it go, let it go. With expletives and blowing hair. Really, the Disney producer behind this song just knows what it's like in real family life. Anyway, this movie is full of good tips. So here are a few words of wisdom that I regularly apply from the movie Frozen:

1. Don't be afraid of a brainfreeze.

If you combine writing with your family, you're bound to go into a brainfreeze at some point. The ideal image of an author alone in a cabin on the moor puffing out a bestseller may be based on the reality of a few, but if you're trying to write a story where you're interrupted several times per sentence because A. one needs to go to the bathroom. B. one needs to get off the toilet. C. someone wants a drink. D. someone wants a treat. E. one child takes something from another child. F. same as E but in different order. G. mommy mommy mommy mommy! H.Ouch I bump toe/head/finger/knee. I.Ouch my lego doll bumps toe/head/finger/knee. J. toys are suddenly untraceable. K. it might be screen time already? L. it is necessary to know if the teacher has a dick. M to S. similar to L, but with dog/frog/mommy/Elsa/Anna/Olaf/Marshall instead of teacher. T. no one knows what day it is anymore. U. mom has to guess which of the ninety stuffed animals has a birthday tomorrow. V. the doorbell rings. W. Facebook is quite interesting while child X talks about the Paw Patrollers' adventure. Y. you want a drink yourself. Z. it's time to do something else, you may well find a few mistakes creeping into your manuscript, or an inconsistency here and there that you only notice after re-reading it two or three times. So you're often going to have to duplicate work.

By the way, if you got this far in reading and also understood the sentence, you will be fine combining family with writing.

2. Don't believe in fairy tales.

Well, Anna was a bit naive when she thought that the one prince, whom she barely knew, was her true love. It sounds so beautiful in a fairy tale, but in real life it's not so up for grabs. The same goes for a super-tightly organized writing life "alongside" your family. Don't focus too much on it. It's chaos, and there will be few writing desks of writing dads and moms that look Pinterest-worthy. And that's okay. Think like Anna. Christof, with his special relationship with a reindeer, is okay. Something is only perfect if it's okay for you.

Okay?

3. Faith in the impossible

There will be plenty of times when you think "what did I start? That's simple: you started a book. A story you believe in, and want very much to share. But, you also have a family. And sometimes not everything is immediately possible, but you need a little magic. Not in the form of an eternal snow cloud, but someone who regularly serves you something to eat or drink is handy. Or someone who tells you the time, occasionally moves the laundry from the laundry basket to the washing machine. Or even soothe the kids. Or the person behind the laptop. Those people are indispensable and as rare as a snowman in summer. Believe in them. Cherish them. And if they want to tap dance or sing: let them.

4. Go against the rules.

Do you also regularly hear those little voices saying that a screen is mind-numbing? That the perfect mommy/daddy has a set daily schedule of crafts, reading aloud, cozy playtime, eating fussy lunch dishes, going to the playground, feeding ducks and preparing a healthy snack together? That a house needs to be cleaned every day, that the washing machine needs to run twice a day, that the windows inside need to be swept every week and that they deserve a sponge outside every two weeks, and that as a parent you need to look like the latest fashion, and have a well-paying job to serve as an example to your children?

Listen to Elsa: no right or wrong applies to me here.

You do it your way, at your pace. Turn off those little voices by just running the other way.

Or start screaming. Is also very nice once in a while.

5. Sacrifice an act of true love?

That's a bit of a tricky part. I don't think it's very convenient to sacrifice your family for writing. On the other hand, of course, you don't have to sacrifice your writing ambitions for your family either. After all, you love both, and do your best to find a balance in that to keep it as enjoyable as possible for everyone, including yourself. How do you find that balance? No idea. I just do whatever. If Disney has already made a movie about it, I'd love to watch it. Until then, you can regularly come across references from various Disney movies in my writing. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes because I am slowly becoming brainwashed. Have you discovered a phrase like that? Let me know . Maybe I'll schedule a contest, if I can find my calendar somewhere among the booklets, drawings, candy wrappers and lego.